Thoughts

Remarriage After Divorce: How to Happily Remarry

In remarriage, one or both partners may bring painful past experiences into the relationship. To make a remarriage successful, here are 10 tips for marriage after divorce

After divorce, people may be more cautious about marriage and relationships – which is why these tips to make remarriage successful are so important! Second marriages can a bit more difficult to embrace and enjoy freely.

“When you’ve been hurt, it’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable again,” writes Steven Simring and Sue Klavans Simring in Making Marriage Work for Dummies.

Chances of Marriage After Divorce

If you’re a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. “Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men,” cites ScienceDaily in the article “Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship.”

But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!

Remarriage After Divorce: How to Happily Remarry

  • 1. Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you’re emotionally ready to be in a new relationship or remarriage.
  • 2. Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don’t repeat them in your second marriage.
  • 3. Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.
  • 4. Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. To build a successful remarriage, share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.
  • 5. Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.
  • 6. Start fresh. Build a successful remarriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don’t let old ghosts haunt your new marriage.
  • 7. Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.
  • 8. Practice flexibility. If you’ve been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.
  • 9. Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.
  • 10. Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.
  • Coordinate Gift-Giving: Talk to your ex ahead of time about some gift ideas you have. Try to mesh those ideas so that your child does not end up with duplicate or opposing gifts. Don’t feel guilty if your gifts can not be of the same monetary value as those of your spouse. Remember what’s important is the love and time you share at the holidays, not the cash value of your gift(s).

    Don’t Overdo: Be careful not to provide too much excitement. When children celebrate the holidays twice, they sometimes can reach stimulus overload and fall apart. Be sensitive to your child’s moods and needs during the holidays. And don’t forget to sleep!

    Encourage Your Children to Call their Other Parent: If you have the good fortune of having the children with you this holiday season, don’t forget to remind them to call their other parent. Remember you will be the other parent at the next holiday, or next year, and think of how important it will be for you to hear from your children on that holiday. Your children will also feel better, knowing that they have shared that holiday with both of their parents.

    So, with those suggestions in mind, prepare now to have one of the best holiday seasons you have ever had with your children. Enjoy every minute you have with them and before you know it they will be inviting you to their house for dinner with the grandchildren!

    By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

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