Loneliness is an emotional state. This is a state where people experience a disconnection from people around them as well as a deep feeling of emptiness, which renders their present company around them meaningless.  That person could be in a big crowd or by him/herself, married or single, young or old. They basically find it very hard to connect with others and experiences emancipation from meaningful relationships.  Many individuals coming out of a marriage often find it difficult to reconnect. Their lives (and identity) were so intertwined with their spouse that they experience a profound loss of self.  There may also be a trust factor involved in these situations.

There are a number of ways to begin dealing with loneliness that involve the need to develop friendships, doing things for yourself, or learning to feel better about yourself in general.

  • Constantly remind yourself that the feeling of loneliness isTEMPORARY and you will get over it in time.
  • Make an effort to talk to someone NEW. I know it is hard, but you must develop momentum and the first step is usually the hardest but most necessary.
  • Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. Engage in activities in which you have genuine interest. Meet with people of similar interest.
  • Join societies like church groups, organizations and others.
  • STOP listening to lonely songs (e.g. All by Myself – Celine Dion).
  • OPEN yourself to others first. Don’t expect people to share their problems with a closed person.
  • Don’t judge new people on the basis of past relationships with old people. Try to see each person you meet from a new perspective instead of bring judgmental.
  • Intimate friendships usually develop gradually as people learn to share their inner feelings. Don’t rush into intimate friendship by sharing too much or expecting that others will.
  • Don’t just seek romantic relationships. Platonic or even casual buddies can be extremely satisfactory.
  • Lead a well balanced life. Never neglect good nutrition, exercise and sufficient sleep. One of the main causes of depression which leads to loneliness, is the lack of those things.
  • Spending time alone will help you examine yourself more closely.
  • Don’t be a parasite to your friends. If you seek them for compassion and sympathy, they will be there for you. But if you repeatedly drone over and over about your problems, it becomes a nuisance and your friends will at best just entertain you.
  • Reflect back on good memories and count your blessings.
  • Learn a new skill. Success in achieving something will make you feel good about yourself.
  • See a counselor and talk in privacy.

Many living things need each other to survive. If you have ever seen a Colorado aspen tree, you may have noticed that it does not grow alone. Aspens are found in clusters, or groves.  The reason is that the aspen sends up new shoots from the roots. In a small grove, all of the trees may actually be connected by their roots!  Giant California redwood trees may tower 300 feet into the sky. It would seem that they would require extremely deep roots to anchor them against strong winds. But we're told that their roots are actually quite shallow -- in order to capture as much surface water as possible. And they spread in all directions, intertwining with other redwoods.  Locked together in this way, all the trees support each other in wind and storms.  Like the aspen, they never stand-alone. They need one another to survive.  People, too, are connected by a system of roots. We are born to family and learn early to make friends. We are not meant to survive long without others.  And like the redwood, we need to hold one another up. When pounded by the sometimes vicious storms of life, we need others to support and sustain us.

Have you been going it alone? Maybe it's time to let someone else help hold you up for a while. Or perhaps someone needs to hang on to you.

--- Author Unknown ---

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