Featured Articles For June, 2012

MARRIAGE SUCCESS

8 Key Relationship Tips

What's the key to a successful relationship? Some might think that's the million dollar question. Sometimes it's just the simple things, that we easily forget or think are unimportant that hold the key to a healthy and happy relationship. We have compiled 8 key relationship tips on how to make your relationship go the distance.

1. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You both want to feel secure within the relationship. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both of you.

3. Often those little things that first attracted you to your partner can turn into nasty annoying habits. Learn to love your partner warts and all. Don't try to change them into something they're not, after all you fell in love with them just the way they were.

4. Money is one of the top conflicts between most couples. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances and maybe even work out a budget.

5. Learn to argue well. Never say something to your partner that you wouldn't want to hear said back. Just remember, the one good thing they say about arguing, is the making up afterwards.

6  Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgment. Don't let your emotions dictate your behavior. Remember just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.

7. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained then give yourself, and him a break and start again, with someone new.

8. Don't ever think that going to counseling is a sign of a failed relationship. It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to counseling today than ever, it shows you are both prepared

The fact remains, that whether you're dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100% commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that.   And remember it's the little things that you sometimes do that can go a long way to making your relationship work.

DIVORCE SURVIVAL

What to Do with the Marital Home -  "Short Sale" Misconceptions

When I was in the midst of my divorce, one of the most difficult decisions I had to make was to decide what to do with my home.  In my situation, the decision was highly emotional, important factors were overlooked and the final decision was a major financial mistake.

Being a real estate professional and also enduring a divorce in this market, I have found there is a lot of conflicting information which is leaving homeowners dazed and confused.  There are a lot of misconceptions about the choices homeowners have today when it relates to the marital home.  There are many options to explore and one of them may be a “short sale” in which the lender accepts less than what is owed on the mortgage(s).

One of the major misconceptions is that one has to be behind on their mortgage to get a short sale approved.  This is absolutely not true and the situation is quite the opposite.  If a couple has a real hardship, like a divorce, they can be approved for a short sale while still remaining current on their mortgage and in most cases without a personal deficiency judgment.

Another misconception is that a seller will have to wait a specific time period to purchase a new home after a short sale.  FHA guidelines are clear in this case.  If a homeowner’s payments are current in a short sale they do allow the homeowners purchase a new home right away.  

Making the right choices now will prevent a lot more pain later, so no matter what you decide, remember to use a professional that is well versed in handling these situations.   To know all your options go to www.AForwardMove.org .

Joel Gruenke

Realtor

Keller Williams Real Estate

NEW BEGINNINGS

Practical Steps To Overcome Loneliness

Loneliness is an emotional state. This is a state where people experience a disconnection from people around them as well as a deep feeling of emptiness, which renders their present company around them meaningless.  That person could be in a big crowd or by him/herself, married or single, young or old. They basically find it very hard to connect with others and experiences emancipation from meaningful relationships.  Many individuals coming out of a marriage often find it difficult to reconnect. Their lives (and indentity) were so intertwined with their spouse that they experience a profound loss of self.  There may also be a trust factor involved in these situations.

There are a number of ways to begin dealing with loneliness that involve the need to develop friendships, doing things for yourself, or learning to feel better about yourself in general.

• Constantly remind yourself that the feeling of loneliness is TEMPORARY and you will get over it in time.
• Make an effort to talk to someone NEW. I know it is hard, but you must develop momentum and the first step is usually the hardest but most necessary.
• Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. Engage in activities in which you have genuine interest. Meet with people of similar interest.
• Join societies like church groups, organizations and others.
• STOP listening to lonely songs (e.g. All by Myself – Celine Dion).
• OPEN yourself to others first. Don’t expect people to share their problems with a closed person.
• Don’t judge new people on the basis of past relationships with old people. Try to see each person you meet from a new perspective instead of bring judgmental.
• Intimate friendships usually develop gradually as people learn to share their inner feelings. Don’t rush into intimate friendship by sharing too much or expecting that others will.
• Don’t just seek romantic relationships. Platonic or even casual buddies can be extremely satisfactory.
• Lead a well balanced life. Never neglect good nutrition, exercise and sufficient sleep. One of the main causes of depression which leads to loneliness, is the lack of those things.
• Spending time alone will help you examine yourself more closely.
• Don’t be a parasite to your friends. If you seek them for compassion and sympathy, they will be there for you. But if you repeatedly drone over and over about your problems, it becomes a nuisance and your friends will at best just entertain you.
• Reflect back on good memories and count your blessings.
• Learn a new skill. Success in achieving something will make you feel good about yourself.
• See a counselor and talk in privacy.

Many living things need each other to survive. If you have ever seen a Colorado aspen tree, you may have noticed that it does not grow alone. Aspens are found in clusters, or groves.  The reason is that the aspen sends up new shoots from the roots. In a small grove, all of the trees may actually be connected by their roots!  Giant California redwood trees may tower 300 feet into the sky. It would seem that they would require extremely deep roots to anchor them against strong winds. But we're told that their roots are actually quite shallow -- in order to capture as much surface water as possible. And they spread in all directions, intertwining with other redwoods.  Locked together in this way, all the trees support each other in wind and storms.  Like the aspen, they never stand-alone. They need one another to survive.  People, too, are connected by a system of roots. We are born to family and learn early to make friends. We are not meant to survive long without others.  And like the redwood, we need to hold one another up. When pounded by the sometimes vicious storms of life, we need others to support and sustain us.

Have you been going it alone? Maybe it's time to let someone else help hold you up for a while. Or perhaps someone needs to hang on to you.

--- Author Unknown ---